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Narcissist use conversations to dominate, brainwash, and inflict pain
I’ll be talking about malignant narcissists in this video, so that is referring to people on the severe end of the spectrum.
The objective of exchanging words for a narcissist is to control your reality, inflict pain by invalidating your feelings, countering known facts, confusing you, gaslight you, intentionally misunderstanding everything you say during the conversation, make sure you feel emotionally dysregulated or upset.
Conversation is warfare for the narcissist, and it’s a zero sum game in which you have to be the loser and they have to be winner, and in order to win, they must be right; their interpretation of reality must win.
Non disordered people use conversations to exchange information, share feelings, and try to agree upon a shared interpretation of the reality of a given situation so that both parties’ feelings and thoughts are heard and respected.
Example 1. On a Macro grand narrative Narc spouse wants you to believe he is the good person in the relationship who is the great partner and you are the terrible person. Narcissists will use all the manipulation techniques to support this false belief, because in reality, the narcissist is a terrible parasite and you’d be way better off alone instead of being psychologically battered all the time, but they want to make you believe that you are the liability when you are actually an invaluable asset
Micro level – Male narc partner is always an hour late to meeting you and picking you up and often cancels on you. He wants to prop up the false reality is a good partner still.
1. Triangulation: Comparison to make you look bad
2. Minimization: Reframing reality:
3. Insulting you:
4. Emotionally hurting you for your vulnerabilities:
5. Acting like the victim, pity ploy, guilt trip:
8. Gas lighting:
9. Word salad:
10. Invalidation of feelings
11. Attacking and accusations
12. Judgement and criticism
13. Empty flattery as manipulation
14. Fear mongering and threats –