Dating Rules from a real Russian Babushka.
Rule #1: Never ever date a man. They smell bad. They burp. And when they eat too much, they unbutton their pants and rub their bellies and it makes everyone in the room uncomfortable.
Rule #2: Always use a pick up line.
Rule #3: When you go on date, whoever does the asking does the paying. Unless the woman asks, in which case, men you still pay. And men, if you are too poor to pay, you better get used to being alone.
Rule #4: Men are dumb. You have to be obvious that you like him. Show him your goat farm. Let him milk a goat! Give his ear little nibble! Just let him know you’re interested.
Rule #5: Don’t be “cute” in public. Because guess what? It’s not cute. It’s nasty. And nobody cares. No one wants to see your happiness.
Rule #6: No kissing. Ever. Ever. Not even when you’re married because it’s nasty and because your lips have germs and his lips have germs and when you kiss, then you have his germs and your germs and no one wants your germs.
Rule #7: No touching. Ever.
Rule #8: Men, do whatever you can to give your lady the best life possible. Vladimir is so sweet! He sold my daughter for 4 goats! Now, that may not sound like nice thing to do but my daughter, she was nasty. She was mean. But now that she’s gone, I live like tzar!
Rule #9: Ladies be a good woman. Don’t smoke. Don’t drink. Don’t get tattoos. Don’t pierce your body. Because men date bad girls, but they marry good women. And besides when you smoke and drink and pierce your body and get tattoos and look like a big mess, ya just look stupid.
Rule#10: Men, be spontaneous! Do whatever you can to give your lady the best life ever. Surprise her with lavish gifts like chickens… or potatoes.
Babooshka: Olivia Nelson
Vladimir: Gabe Geagea
Clean Guy/Redneck: Shannon Doran
Cute Girl: Amy Miller
Cute Guy/2nd Redneck: Joey Hatch
Goth Girl: Kara Kelly
Flirty Girl: Becca Lambert
Flirty Guy: Emerson Fortier
Babooshka’s Daughter: Jelly Gonzalez
Guy With Potato: David Acosta
For Everything Else: Marta Connolly
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